I swear I'm not this angry all the time. Wait, yes I am.

I had been on T for almost 2 straight years before my insurance company decided to start fucking with me, creating a one month embargo to date. I'll survive in the long term, but I am concerned about my body shape and body, er, functions returning to my pre-T state. Especially since I am also fighting with said insurance company for authorization to have bottom surgery. But that's not what this post is about.

I don't actually talk about being 'trans' much. I sometimes refer to being 'gay' or 'queer', but my 'trans' identity is very minimal. Not sure this is a good thing or a bad thing, just a thing. Anyway, that's not really the point either. The point is, I have been male for a while, legally so for at least a year. At work, I didn't really make a big deal about it. I said, "I'm changing my name to Ethan, I identify as male and always have, I won't respond to my old name, and yes, my last name is staying the same." All of my male co-workers, you could see it rumbling around in their brains when I told them, then they just all kinda shrugged and said, 'okay.' And since then, they have all either used male pronouns, or not use pronouns at all (which is pretty amazing) and just used my name. For some reason, the females ALL mess it up. Unless they started after the fact, they still call me 'she' and 'her'. WTF? I'm fairly sure a good number have forgotten my old name (shit, even I almost have, and I had it for 23 years!) But still, what about me is so god damned feminine that they still mess it up? No, I'm not like, lumberjack butch, but most guys aren't and people don't mess it up.

Now, here's my personal problem with the wrong pronouns. I already have some pretty good body dysphoria going on, so when I hear, someone use female pronouns to refer to me, I immediately think, "She just called me 'her' because I still look like a girl, which means I still have big hips and a girlie body." And since they remind me about what I already hate about myself, naturally, I want to hate them. I've considered just saying "him" to refer to the women who always get it wrong... but I don't want to seem petty, draw attention to myself, not sure they'd even pick up on it, and most of them are in supervisor positions. Grrrr.

So yeah, I had to vent about that.