I might be one of the only post-op FTMs to say this (grrr, I hate the label "FTM", but at least you know what I'm talking about) anyway, I miss my binder.
Don't misread. I don't miss having to bind when there was something to bind. Rather, I miss that deep pressure, that security, I felt when binding. I think it's the same sensation that many children with autism experience and appreciate when they're feeling out of sorts. I didn't realize that I missed it until a few days ago. I found my binder in my undershirt drawer (yes, my underwears are separated by briefs/boxers, undershirts, and socks!) and was wondering if it still fit and what it would feel like to wear it now. Then this morning I was rebandaging up my tattoo (oh yeah, so, for anyone who didn't know, my top surgery, while it healed very fast and painlessly, also left a hideous scar more pronounced than many I've seen. So I got a tribal tattoo over it to hide most of the horror--the last part was done last night.) Hok, so I was rebandaging my tattoo and since the towel covers the left side of my chest, tiny bandages wouldn't have made sense to hold it, I just rolled some painting tape (relatively low adhesion) over the entire thing. It's holding pretty well--it isn't too tight or too loose. Anyway, I noticed that it's applying pressure to my chest in the same way the binder used to. And I also noticed that the pressure creates a very secure feeling. If I wasn't so squeamish about people touching me, I'd go for a deep tissue massage...
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Oh, interesting. It sounds not dissimilar to the cocooning that I've known several people to like to do with their blankets and bedsheets.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm a fan of "trans man," myself.